This article refers to consensual and respectful sexual activity that has been consented to by all participants involved. Durex does not condone non-consensual sex, sexual abuse, or sexual violence. Whatever sex you choose to enjoy, be sure to keep it safe and use protection. You can explore the Durex range here.
What is sexual domination?
Sexual domination is a type of BDSM activity – BDSM stands for Bondage and discipline, Dominance and submission, and Sadism and Masochism. Like the name suggests, sexual domination involves a shift in power play, where participants get pleasure out of being the dominant in sex and/or being dominated. It generally includes a dominant partner (a “Dom”) who is in charge, and a submissive partner (a “Sub”) who consents to doing what the Dom says. Some people like to stick to being a Sub or having Dom sex, whereas others like to mix it up and switch roles. Whatever the role, a shift in power is at the essence of sexual dominance, and this creates a sense of excitement and pleasure that both participants can enjoy.1
There are a variety of activities that people who engage in sexual domination can enjoy. “Softer” activities might include restricting the movements of the Sub, for example by tying them up or handcuffing them. Other somewhat “harder” activities can include whipping and other forms of BDSM activities.1
Keep in mind that sexual domination doesn’t have to always be physical. It’s often the idea of being in power or being dominated that people fantasize about, so sexual dominance can be done verbally, over the phone or virtually online too.1
As with all sexual activities, it’s important to remember that all parties must consent to being a Dom or a Sub. Safe words are a good idea to make sure things stay consensual as you get more heated. You can do this by agreeing on a word to let your partner know that you’re no longer enjoying the activity, or just verbally communicate with your partner if you feel uncomfortable with what they’re asking you to do.
Whether you’re a Sub or a Dom, sexual dominance can be used to spice up your sex life and explore new realms of pleasure with your partner. Whilst some people may find sexual dominance comes naturally to them, figuring out how to be dominant in the bedroom can be tricky.
Here are some tips on how to be a Dom to help you dominate your partner in bed.
To your lover, the most erotic thing you can show is confidence. Your partner will be much less impressed by money and material things than your self-assuredness, thought and effort.
Think about times when you’ve felt confident and take part in activities that develop this feeling. Remind yourself that your partner is attracted to you for a reason and go for it!
Remind yourself that your partner is attracted to you for a reason and go for it!
Everyone needs to feel safe with and heard by a sexual partner, whether in a serious, long-term relationship or a new or casual one. Listening to your lover’s needs, in and out of the bedroom, and responding sensitively will make them feel at ease and secure enough to open up to you about how much or how little they want in terms of being dominated, sexually.
A great place to start being dominant over your lover is by giving subtle commands and, when they are ready for you to up the ante, slowly building up to more forceful demands. There are many great sex games you can come up with. Start small, for example, by telling your partner that you are going to kiss them wherever you want on their body, and they are not allowed to move a muscle. The ball is in your court, remember, so you’re free to come up with your own punishment if they disobey!
Reading sex stories or the Kama Sutra together is a great way to get the ball rolling in experimenting with dominating sex positions. Set aside an evening to share a few glasses of wine on the sofa whilst pointing out the positions that excite you both the most. That way you’re both in a relaxed, comfortable environment and on a level-playing-field.
Learning what your partner wants is crucial to dominating them in-between the sheets. Ask them which of the positions they’d like you to dominate. Remember… the more fun they have when the two of you are trying them out, the more fun you will have.
Bringing sex toys into the bedroom is a great way of keeping things sexy and new for you both. Try gently grazing a vibrating massager over your lover’s sensitive parts, but make it clear that you are going to be in control of the device, first.
To make your domination even more intense for you both, use a cock ring during intercourse. For him, it will ensure his erection lasts longer, whilst for her it will heighten her stimulation – a win-win addition to the bedroom for you both.
This article is for general information only and not intended as a substitute for medical advice.
Always read the label and follow the directions for use. Reckitt Benckiser, Auckland. RB-M-105988.
- De Neef N, et al. Sex Med 2019;7(2):129-144.